I'm so sorry that the tutor canceled.

This is so hard.

I understand.

You know, when I married your father a couple years ago

and he told me he had a college-age son,

I didn't think that I would end up needing

to help you out with schoolwork.

But you know, I do have my master's degree in history,

so I think I might be able to help you out.

I appreciate it.

Not a problem.

Albert Einstein, okay.

Cool, cool.

Looks like you've got some sample questions here.

Let me see.

Yeah, those are all the questions

that are gonna be on the test.

Okay, so this is, you know, this is pretty comprehensive.

Pretty dense.

But I think I can, I think I can get you through here.

It's so much.

I know it is, but this is what you signed up for

when you applied to school.

I wish I would have known it was gonna be all this.

You're gonna be fine, hang on.

Let me just, you read through this, right?

Yeah, it doesn't feel like I did.

This is what I am gonna do.

I'm gonna go ahead and go through

these sample questions with you, okay?

And let's see what you know so far.

It'll be pretty.

It's okay.

Let's start with some basics.

Don't look.

Where was Einstein born?

Ulm, Germany, Jerusalem, Israel, or New York City, USA?

New York.

No, silly.

Think about it.

It's Ulm, Germany.

We'll come back to that one.

Okay.

Einstein received only one Nobel Prize.

How many Nobel Prizes did Einstein receive?

Three, two, or one?

Two.

I just gave you the answer in the question, silly.

Oh.

Okay.

Einstein received the Nobel Prize in

astronomy, physics, or military science.

Military science?

Did you read?

I said I read it, but I didn't get any of it.

Hang on a second, hang on.

Okay, we're gonna do this.

We're gonna go through these multiple times

so that eventually you get the answer.

Okay, where was Einstein born?

Ulm, Germany, Jerusalem, Israel, or New York, USA?

That's right, it wasn't New York.

So Jerusalem?

No, Germany.

Okay.

Okay.

Einstein received how many Nobel Prizes?

Choices.

Three, two, or one?

Three.

One.

Where was Einstein born?

Germany, Israel, or USA?

Nope.

Wasn't Israel.

Nope.

Germany?

There you go, you got one right.

See, we're gonna get there.

We're gonna get there.

We're gonna do it.

We will do it.

Ulm, when was Einstein born?

1911, 1879, or 1954?

1954?

Nope.

1879.

Okay.

Einstein received how many Nobel Prizes?

What were the options again?

Three, two, or one.

Good, you're getting there.

I'm proud of you.

We're gonna at least get you a passing grade on this.

Okay, let's try again.

When was Einstein born?

1911, 1879, or 1954?

1954?

You already said that one,

and that's not the correct answer.

It's 1879.

Okay, how about this?

This is a fun one.

Einstein played the piano, flute, or violin?

Nope.

He played the violin.

Let me see.

I know that eventually you're gonna get there.

Let's see.

Okay, when did Einstein receive the Nobel Prize?

1879, 1971, or 1921?

1979?

No.

It was 1921.

You'll get there.

You'll get there.

How many Nobel Prizes did Einstein receive?

Yes, you did it.

See?

Okay, high five.

Outstanding.

Let's take a break, okay?

Because you're probably getting overloaded with information.

Tell me about how is college life going?

How is school?

They're good.

All these quizzes and stuff.

Your first year of college, it's a period of adjustment.

You know what I mean?

I'm having trouble getting adjusted.

Yes, but you'll get there.

Don't feel discouraged.

How's your girlfriend doing?

We don't see each other anymore.

Oh no, what happened?

She seemed so nice.

Yeah, but I don't know, we just drew apart, I guess.

That, you know, college is a time of experimentation.

It really is.

It's important that you take advantage.

I'm trying to do the best I can.

Yeah, all you can do is try.

You know, I told your father

that he needed to kind of be patient with you.

He gets a little frustrated.

He has high expectations, but you know, your first year,

you kind of just, as long as you're passing,

it's just a time to kind of have fun and experiment,

and you know?

Studying is important,

but also just the experience of being on your own is,

it's important to have that, don't you think?

Yeah, I think you're right.

Yeah, so just remember to have fun, you know?

Go to parties, and you know, getting a college, a job,

like a work-study job is a great idea, too.

It's something to think about.

Yeah, I'll think about it.

Yeah, and then you build your confidence.

Hmm.

Have you been doing some of those chores around the house

that your dad had asked you to do?

Yeah, I get to some of them.

Make sure you get to all of them.

Otherwise, I'm gonna never hear the end of it.

Like cleaning the garage, it's a big one.

I already have so much to study.

I mean, I understand that,

but it's important that you structure your time

so that you can fulfill those obligations.

He is paying for school.

Never hear the end of that, either.

I wish he'd give me less chores.

Oh, it's a damn homework.

Well, you know, I'll talk to him about that.

I will admit that taking care of the entire garage

is kind of a hefty endeavor, so, yeah.

It's all his stuff in there, too.

I know, don't even get me started.

I mean, I would love to just donate everything to,

like, charity.

He doesn't even golf anymore.

Like, what's that about?

These golf clubs, and they were so expensive.

Did you know that golf is so expensive?

Oh, it's insane.

Yeah, he's just getting old.

Yeah, I know.

He complains about his back.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

Telling him he needs to maybe do some, like,

stretching, like, yoga.

Oh, right.

I know it's goofy.

Like, he thinks that yoga is like a female thing,

but I'm gonna tell you something.

I see some, like, some older men in my yoga class

that are in incredible shape.

Really? Yeah.

You're gonna get Dad to do that.

Yeah, I know.

I'm not even gonna try anymore.

So, yeah.

But I know it would help,

and then he wouldn't complain so much.

You know what I mean?

He's always complaining.

Yeah, no kidding.

So we're kind of gonna stop.

Yeah.

You know, swimming is good.

It's like they do swimming in physical therapy.

I know. Yeah.

They do.

Yeah.

He needs to get his heart rate up, too,

or else he's gonna end up having a hard time.

It's important that you stay active,

since, you know, your dad doesn't have such great genes.

No offense.

Yeah, I know.

Tell me.

Yeah.

I am planning a surprise birthday for him.

Maybe you can help me plan for this

surprise birthday for your dad.

What do you think?

Oh, sure.

What do you want to do?

Get some of his friends together.

Do something, maybe at the club.

A nice kind of dinner.

Maybe we can go golfing.

Right.

That would be fun.

What did we do last year for his birthday?

Remember, we were in Bermuda.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

We did the family vacation.

That was pretty great.

Yeah, that was fun.

Except when he dislocated his shoulder,

scuba diving was weird.

And then there was that weird altercation with a dolphin.

And I told him, I said,

you can't just go up to them and act like you know them.

Like they're wild animals, they're cute,

but they're wild animals.

I don't know.

He's just, I think he's losing it a little bit.

That dolphin kind of liked them all too much too.

Yeah, there was something that seemed a little, you know,

unconsensual in that exchange.

So yeah, maybe something a little more low key this year.

Maybe.

The dude thing always used to go big though.

Yeah, fair, true.

Maybe a theme.

You know, he's always been a big fan of the Dukes of Hazzard.

Oh yeah, that stuff like Daisy Duke?

No, just stuff like cars with, you know,

kind of like a Western-y, not Western-y,

but how about a NASCAR theme?

NASCAR?

I think he's more of a truck guy.

Really?

Yeah.

You know him better than I do.

Yeah, I think he looks truck-y.

Maybe monster trucks.

Maybe, do you think we can get some,

get an actual monster truck?

We could rent other than you.

I'm gonna figure something out.

A monster truck-shaped cake?

I would agree, cool.

We'll maybe do something like that though.

Oh, easy.

In my book club, one of the women has a bakery.

Oh, that's cool.

She'll make crazy stuff like that?

Or she'll know someone.

Speaking of on top, I had originally thought

about maybe like a circus thing,

but I think you're right, I think it's trucks.

Yeah, yeah, the circus, who likes the circus?

Yeah, and these are great clowns, I keep forgetting that.

I love clowns, I think clowns are amazing.

I'm not afraid of them at all.

I think they're hilarious, clowns are so funny.

I'm not a clown, too funny.

I guess I've never been a funny clown though.

Yeah.

Oh.

Bears.

Yeah, what's his favorite food?

He does like Philly cheese steaks.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

Oh.

This is like a Philly cheese steak buffet.

That'd be pretty cool.

Yeah, and honestly, pretty inexpensive.

Oh, like a bunch of meat, easy.

Yeah.

We don't even need caters.

Yeah, you could just get takeout

from a local cheese steak place.

You know, my theory is that they don't give you the recipe

so they keep ordering, you know, going and ordering.

I don't know what to do.

Maybe we just gotta figure out what's in it.

You know?

We can order it.

Good idea, that's what I can do.

I'll just see, you know, we can kind of work together

and see like, you know, what kind of spices.

I'm sure we can say they're like allergic to stuff

and they might have to tell us, you know?

You know what, that's genius.

They have to.

If we think like there's like some sort of like

severe food allergy, they have to tell us.

Yeah, we got this.

What did we get for dessert there?

I think it's that chocolate cake.

That lava type thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Weird taste to it.

I was a big fan.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

I mean, there's a way to make it better.

I think that kind of like the math of it works.

We just need to like, you know,

maybe add some sort of like a, like a cream type thing.

What purposes of the cake?

How does your dad do it?

My goodness.

Is he at home?

I have a lot on my mind.

For example, the server at the restaurant

with the fusion pot roast, too familiar.

Didn't he?

I think I saw him in a Rectal Dysfunction commercial.

I wonder who's gonna be our server again.

I didn't tip him very well, I hope not.

He's a very good son.

Yeah.

Hey, I guess I'm gonna go make some phone calls

and see if we can get a venue.

Okay, yeah.

I'll figure out how old that is.

Yeah, please, whatever you can to figure it out.